Bribing...I mean rewarding

As toddlers develop their thinking ability, they also start developing a mind of their own. If you decide to take them outside, they want to play at home; if you pick out a red shirt, they’ll want to wear a blue one; if you make pasta for dinner, they will want to eat pizza. And then there are those times when they cannot make up their minds and will make you re-heat and cool down the milk 10 times before it reaches the perfect temperature.

Few days back, on the edge of craziness…I was trying to handle one such “situation.” I was desperately trying to keep my cool and steer away from yelling or scolding. And then, it came out of my mouth – “If you do as I say, I’ll give you a sticker.” Needless to say, it worked! But, a question popped in my mind – “Did I just bribe my daughter?”

Every time a toddler uses the word “NO”, he’s probably trying to assert his independence or hoping to see the familiar reaction from his parent. When my daughter refuses to do something, she gets a strong reaction from me, exactly what she’s looking for – ATTENTION. If you really think about it, in this tender age, all that kids need is attention.

As the concept of logic develops in those little minds, they still need some help from us. And if it is for their own good, a little “rewarding” (as I would like to call it) might be the way to go.

Who does your kid look like?

I have heard at least a few hundred times – “You daughter looks just like you”. Ironically, not as many, but several times I have also heard – “Your daughter looks just like your husband!” My husband and I don’t really look alike and yet I fail to understand how my daughter can look “exactly” like both of us!

And it doesn’t stop there… people have found my daughter to have resemblance to her grandmother, her other grandmother, her uncle… pretty much everyone in the immediate family circle. However, the best remark I have heard so far - her forehead is like her father’s forehead, she has her mother’s eyes, and her chin is like her grandmother!

Why do people have this incessant urge to establish a child’s resemblance to one of the family members? Although, I must confess, I am equally crazy in that department. At times, I have been actually frustrated for not being able to figure out whether a kid looks more like his mother or father! As my husband argues, it doesn’t really matter who the child looks like and he will probably end up looking very different as an adult.

Maybe its just one of our quirks… or maybe, when a new baby is born, we try to find familiar traits to connect with his unfamiliar world!

Maternal Instinct

I have noticed that mothers tend to get quite competitive about their children…sometimes even offended if they see other children doing better.

I had a very interesting experience when I was traveling with my daughter on an international flight few months back. There were three other kids of varying ages, shapes and sizes…all standing with their moms ready to board the flight. Each mom (including me) was looking after their own child secretly dreading the journey and thinking “I wish they could transpond me like they do in Star Trek and save me from this eternal flight journey.” And yet, outwardly every mom was as composed as ever, with an air of – “My child is so much better behaved than yours!” And then it happened….

One of the kids started throwing up pretty violently. My first instinct was to help the kid and his mom. I started searching my purse for wipes, tissues and all sorts of things that I thought would be helpful and so did the other moms. I am not exaggerating when I say - as if it was a pre-planned strategic operation, we four strangers worked together and took care of the situation within minutes.

No matter how much we want our kids to be better than their peers (secretly or otherwise), the “maternal instinct” is so strong… when the time comes, it doesn’t really matter who the child is!

Happy Father's Day!

When a baby is born, he depends entirely on his mother for survival. Of course, medical advances and the invention of “baby formula” have changed this. But usually it’s the mother who provides the basic necessities to a newborn. During this time, the father is expected to do “other things”. This “other things” category is quite broad… it includes diaper duty, burping the baby after feeding, putting the baby to sleep, laundry, dishes, cleaning, taking phone calls, dealing with medical bills, fighting with insurance companies….not to mention taking care of a postpartum wife whose hormones have driven her to “loony town”. Everybody calls in to check how the baby and the mother are doing…nobody ever asks about the father, poor soul.

Fatherhood…that’s how it starts! His sweet slumber is interrupted by a crying baby needing diaper change, he misses his most crucial football game on TV because his daughter wants “Daddy” to put her to bed, he starts watching his mouth lest his son might pick up some of those words, he stays up all night making sure his daughter’s fever is not rising, he skips happy hour because he simply cannot miss his son’s first performance. Everyday as he comes home from work, his kid’s face lights up like never before…..

Lets a take a moment to commend their “behind the scenes” work & wish a Happy Father’s day to all the Dads!

Let go...mommy

The very first day of school is difficult for all kids, but probably even more for the parents. You drop off your kid at school, which in some cases literally has to be “drop off” as your kid tries to hold on to your pants until you think they might come off….yelling “Mommy Mommy” in the last attempt that you might change your mind and take her home… But when she realizes that mommy is really “dumping” me in this strange place, with these strange people, slowly but surely the tears start rolling down those cheeks. It just breaks your heart….

But you persist, you bear the tears, shed some of your own and the day finally comes. As you are about to drop off your kid at school and are getting ready to let go of her hand, she sees those familiar faces, pulls herself away and runs towards her friends without even looking back to check if you have left. It doesn’t just break your heart….it shatters into a million pieces! And yet, you come away with a smile and a sense of accomplishment!

Life and Death

I was showing my 2-year old daughter, videos of her grandparents who are in India. She thoroughly enjoyed them along with my commentary about the fun times we had. And then out of nowhere, she asked me the most unexpected question: “Where is your grandfather, mommy?” He passed away few years back and I have always talked fondly about him. But as I was bracing to answer my daughter’s question, I suddenly had no answer. Should I introduce the word “death” to her and thus open up a range of unanswerable questions? And even if I did, will she even understand the concept?

How do you explain death to a 2-year old? Just as…how do you explain birth? Looking at our wedding photos, I have heard this question few times: “Mommy, why am I not in your wedding photos?” or “Why did you not bring me to your wedding?” I have just laughed at and dismissed those questions just as I dismissed the question about my grandfather by saying – he’s not there anymore. But sooner or later, I will have tell the truth…maybe partially if not entirely.

I realized it is at times like these that we might start introducing the concept of “God” – its so much easier to say, “He went to God’s home” and “God makes babies”!

Baby Proofing

My mom always argues – “Young parents of today (which includes me) are way too protective of their kids…we never even heard of baby-proofing and yet our kids turned out fine!”

When my daughter first started moving around, trying to poke her teeny fingers into electrical outlets, I panicked and bought a store full of baby proofing items. However, I wonder if it is right to protect our kids from every little hazard. I mean closing electrical outlets is absolutely necessary, but is it essential to cover each and every sharp edge in your house? If a kid’s elbow never hits a sharp edge, how will she know what a sharp edge is?

I have to confess that at times I am critical of over-protective parents but having thought it over… probably over-protectiveness comes from a parent’s past experience or their extra knowledge about the hazard.

I guess it’s up to every parent to decide the amount of baby proofing their home needs…. as every child is different, so is every parent.

Hello, Namaste, and Hola!

My husband and I talk in Marathi (our mother tongue) and are teaching it as the primary language to our 2-year old. We try to limit speaking in English at home as we were told by our experienced friends that kids eventually learn English in school and tend to forget their mother tongue.

Now that my daughter is starting to have more and more contact with the “outside world”, she seems to be picking up English quite fast. And then she has some Hindi-speaking friends who try to talk to communicate with her in Hindi. And of course being recently introduced to the world of “Dora the Explorer”, she has gotten to know some Spanish words.

It is one thing that my daughter is picking up all the 4 languages in her own ways, I am more surprised by the fact that at home she speaks Marathi, with American friends she tries to speak English and with Hindi friends she makes it a point to use the 2 or 3 Hindi words that she knows…relevant or not!

Now “Dora” provides relief for me when I have work to do and I put on the videos for my daughter, but also is mostly the reason for her tantrums because I don’t let her watch it too often…so lets not go there!

They say that languages evolve with time. In the diverse environment that we live, that our kids will grow in…it will be interesting to see today’s languages evolve!